Smoke 'em if you've got 'em

The 80s obsession with World War III produced a number of excellent movies that illustrated the horrors of living in a post-nuclear world. From the UK came When the Wind Blows (1986) and the BBC’s Threads (1985), while two US television stations (PBS and ABC) respectively produced Testament (1983) and The Day After (1983). Common to all four of these productions was the grim telling of how ordinary people would fare after a nuclear attack. All are dominated by dark skies, scarcity and radioactive fallout.

Smoke ‘Em if You’ve Got ‘Em is Australia’s take on the post-apocalypse and aptly turns the aforementioned films upside down. Instead of survivors clinging desperately to life in squalid conditions and radiation sickness, it is a black comedy that offers an alternative way of dealing with nuclear holocaust.

The movie is set in the days after a nuclear attack on Melbourne and while the scene above ground is the traditionally post-apocalyptic setting of a bombed-out city, below ground a party is going on.

It is this concept of partying at the end of the world that underlines the futility of trying to survive in the immediate aftermath of nuclear attack. Death by radiation sickness (even in a bomb shelter) is inevitable so you might as well live life as though it is your last day (which it probably is). This fatalistic sentiment is rare in post-apocalyptic films.

Juxtaposed with the end of the world party are the two other types of post-apocalyptic survivors: the pockets of dirty survivors scouring the ruins for supplies above ground and the family next door who are trying to survive as long as possible on a can of baked beans a day. The party-goers allow both groups to join in the revelry (although the father next door is resistant): due to the high doses of radiation everywhere any attempt to survive is ultimately futile.

This fatalistic attitude is summed up by the title: Smoke ‘em if you’ve got ‘em implies that there is nothing that can be done about the situation so you might as well enjoy yourself while you can. Indeed, this pessimistic philosophy can be seen as a hedonistic response to the Cold War as well as nuclear war: excessive, self-destructive partying is presented as a valid answer to the threat of nuclear annihilation.

Even though the characters are aware of their forthcoming demise, time and time again, they fall back on old habits, such as the teenager who asks a woman whether she is on the pill before they have sex; the man who decides not to take heroin as is too addictive, or the man who toys over whether to ask a woman to dance: he waits too long and she is dead by the time he has summoned up the courage to ask her.

Most poignantly, though, is the videographer who carefully records the night’s events on his camcorder and then puts the film into an envelope for development. He neatly fills in the address before realising that there is no point. He throws the useless film against a wall while screaming in anguish. Not only is there no-one to develop the film, there will be no one to see it in the future and no point recording the past

As the film ends, so the party draws to a close; a mixture of radiation sickness and violence killing the partygoers. The two friends whose idea it was to have the end of the world party decide to go upstairs to settle on deckchairs waiting to be destroyed by a mop-up bomb. Significantly, they express no regrets.

Smoke ‘Em if You’ve Got ‘Em, Dir: Ray Boseley, Australian Film Commission, 1988. It is quite rare and is difficult to get hold of. Running time is 50 mins.

Dawn of the Dead 1978 Poster

For my birthday last year my wife gave me a special box-set edition of  one of my favourite films: George Romero’s  Dawn of the Dead (1978). I  let the black box sit on the shelf, waiting for the perfect occasion to watch and enjoy it like a good wine. Recently, I decided the time was right to watch it again, so I ripped open the plastic cover, selected one of the three versions of the film and settled down for a night of  zombie apocalypse.

And it wasn’t that good.

This is a biggie for me: DOTD is a movie that has comfortably sat at the top of my list of favourite films since I was a teen and was the subject of one of my essays for my MA. I even use DOTD  publicity stills for my various online avatars.

Unfortunately, Dawn of the Dead as slow and lumbering as the zombies that populate it. Yes the central metaphor and underlying social commentary is brilliant: zombies as consumers / consumers are like  zombies (zombies literally consuming flesh in a shopping mall). But as a post-apocalyptic movie, a horror movie or just a movie full stop, it is severely lacking.

First off, there is pretty minimal characterisation. All four characters are pretty one-dimensional: Stephen is annoying, Roger is reckless, Peter is  careful and Francine is defenceless. None of them seem to have any meaningful thoughts concerning the end of the world, nor do they appear to have any lives before they go to the mall. They are little more than empty shells.

Maybe this is all part of George’s bigger narrative of consumerism destroying humanity but I think it has more to do with his disinterest in characters (as he decrees during his commentary accompanying the DVD).

Without any real characterisation, we are left with a number of action sequences. Some good, some bad but almost all overlong and badly edited.

And then there is the ending when the bikers invade the mall. I found myself cheering for Tom Savini and his biker buddies. They were fun. They smashed stuff up. They threw pies at the zombies. They were, in fact, more likeable than any of the main characters (possibly with the exception of Peter). I was actually upset when they died.

So what does this mean? Did I build up Dawn of the Dead into a sacred cow that was not worthy of my deference? I’ve got two other versions of the film in my glossy box-set for me to watch (European Version and Director’s Cut) before I make up my mind to watch.

However, I have a nagging suspicion that the movie will end up like a zombie itself: still walking around in my sub-consciousness way past the time when it should have died for good.